tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-90354097942922552772024-03-05T22:08:53.367-05:00Jeannie's Super Fantastic BlogJeanniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13627937031653729700noreply@blogger.comBlogger30125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9035409794292255277.post-10696992936940626882010-05-13T14:15:00.007-04:002010-05-13T15:05:42.546-04:00The universe never did make sense; I suspect it was built on government contract.<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiU4_j8WkF9PWP1pcTFtNYDet8qCn7zLFOmDiMsGugW8Qn7B1raIgwdWa4F8qla5lci9PeQZdA_FWf5SHPAaNJvGx9fZLwjN_T48P5gMArnoV4N3-xTLuFSHaRm8ubKBj97vwCODQqjgnU/s1600/drain.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 336px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 365px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5470822073767564242" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiU4_j8WkF9PWP1pcTFtNYDet8qCn7zLFOmDiMsGugW8Qn7B1raIgwdWa4F8qla5lci9PeQZdA_FWf5SHPAaNJvGx9fZLwjN_T48P5gMArnoV4N3-xTLuFSHaRm8ubKBj97vwCODQqjgnU/s400/drain.jpg" /></a> No doubt. The universe does not make sense. Personally, I try for all I'm worth to do the right thing. It's usually not the easy thing, but it's the right thing. I try to treat people well, help people when I can, I'm nice to animals and I recycle. However, the universe does not always seem to take these things into consideration when dealing you your hand to play. You get screwed over by people you've tried to help. Basically, people are jamming me negative ( that's what we used to say in college anyway ). People are blocking my drainage. I feel like I'm running a half-way house. It's my house, I bought it. I'm making the payments. I pay for the upkeep and utilities. I'm responsible. I go to bed early and get up everyday and go to work. I'm thankful for my job. I thank God for my job. Not everybody has one now. I've got 4 people living with me outside of my partner. NONE of them have jobs. They live with me because if they didn't they'd be homeless. I've told two that I want them out by the first of the year. That's the goal. The one that just got out of jail, she's the one I've got to have the talk with now. I'm not looking forward to this discussion. Her old man is still in jail for child support, but that's a whole other story. What I long for is just me and Jody in the house with our fur kids. I don't want to deal with people 24/7. I don't want to deal with a house full of hormones. I want to be able to walk into my kitchen naked. Not that I make a habit of this, I just want to have the option. These people are the ones that I have to deal with on a daily basis. I loaned another friend way too much money. She's behind on the payments. She's put me in a really bad spot. I was just trying to help. Now, I've helped so much, I can hardly help myself. The universe needs to take pity on me. I'd like God to take some pity on me. I'd like to win the lottery. I see these shows that detail how the lottery ruins people's lives. I think it wouldn't ruin mine. I believe I could handle it.<br /><br />Hey God, how about some winning numbers??? Please???<br /><br />If I'm not careful, I'm gonna end up in the gutter with this cat.Jeanniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13627937031653729700noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9035409794292255277.post-19900076515663298242010-05-11T11:20:00.003-04:002010-05-11T11:43:45.283-04:00Never insult anyone by accident.<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6r8iJAYL7ZvZKkm8HV3EOBhlHKmEVm_IjlAYhGdBYoQ1DSg8LfYUvKpgd5QAxHUHO-lUw0J9_SKwinM24MDIl8yhIJ_mLtidIE5ee8y9wwHMDjNEMX4I290__jeZvMqvB14T8xs5MeDI/s1600/cat-looks-at-shoe.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 300px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5470033885732903522" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6r8iJAYL7ZvZKkm8HV3EOBhlHKmEVm_IjlAYhGdBYoQ1DSg8LfYUvKpgd5QAxHUHO-lUw0J9_SKwinM24MDIl8yhIJ_mLtidIE5ee8y9wwHMDjNEMX4I290__jeZvMqvB14T8xs5MeDI/s400/cat-looks-at-shoe.jpg" /></a><br />OK. So it's been almost a year since I posted. A really really really busy year. Really stressful. Lots of changes. Some good, some not so good. I now have entirely too many people in my house. To compliment this, they have pets. I have WAAAAAYYYYYY to many furry friends in my house. They all can't get along either. This makes navigating through the house, potty breaks and dinner interesting. Tank and Zion have decided they don't like each other. They fight. I don't mean wrestle. I mean they I'mgonnaripyourthroatoutanddrinkyourlifeforce fight. Someone must at all times be contained. Everybody wants attention. Only so many can get it at once. Furthermore, one of the people that live in my house has a psycho pomeranian. She barks constantly and can't get along with anyone. She stays locked in one of the bedrooms unless she's going out to potty. Did I forget to mention, said owner of dog is currently in jail. I've been taking care of this demon spawn for two months. I hate this dog. When I say hate, you may think this a strong word. I think the word is too soft. I would like to launch this dog into space for permanent residence. Now, recently an old friend called and said "I need a place to stay for a while because I lost my job." Said friend came to my home with girlfriend and two dogs in tow. Sandy does not like said dogs. Shocker. Did I mention how much I hate that dog? You'd think ok, this won't be bad. It's a big house. Plenty of room. Plus I have my master suite cave that is bigger than most apartments in NYC. However, what it doesn't say, is that over the years said friend has developed a drinking problem. I'm all about having an adult beverage every now and then. It can be a great way to relax and unwind. What I'm saying here is that A 40 OF CRAP ASS MALT LIQUOR IS NOT ACCEPTABLE EVERY DAY. Not only is it every day it's several times a day. My recycling bin is full of King Cobra bottles. First of all, this stuff sucks. Second, you don't have a job, don't be wasting money you don't have. Third, it's embarassing for my neighbors to see that crappy excuse for a drink in MY recycling bin. I am unsure about how to confront said friend on this matter. I think I'm going to have to be blunt and put it out there. I have a job and money to buy adult beverages and I don't purchase as many in a month as she does in three days. I'm tired of malt liquor bottles, I'm tired of people living in my house for free, I'm tired of not having room in my fridge for my crap and I'm tired of not being able to walk in my back yard without stepping in a yard bomb.Jeanniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13627937031653729700noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9035409794292255277.post-46913114341182167402009-05-29T09:29:00.004-04:002009-05-29T10:16:53.738-04:00Everything in excess! To enjoy the flavor of life, take big bites. Moderation is for monks.<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmNC9ZMNriGnRnZkYoUrdn8ZWkuRpBmR4RchoYbowiAEDMgo7FmkMjh2Ehi1QN4r91MhwcfrrlvVsKtmv73z3WWSf5klDKJPYPdlP-H-4Y6kNb6keduh5VkWikr8Vzt1_t7Kv7a6yuBEk/s1600-h/baby.bmp"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 330px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmNC9ZMNriGnRnZkYoUrdn8ZWkuRpBmR4RchoYbowiAEDMgo7FmkMjh2Ehi1QN4r91MhwcfrrlvVsKtmv73z3WWSf5klDKJPYPdlP-H-4Y6kNb6keduh5VkWikr8Vzt1_t7Kv7a6yuBEk/s400/baby.bmp" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5341240773762202418" /></a><br /><br />I remember when I was a kid and my mother asked me what I wanted to be when I grow up, I told her I wanted to be a stand up comedian. I think I was about 6 or 7. This was during the golden age of television with all the variety shows and Carol Burnett on all the time. I just thought that would be a great job. My mother promptly squashed my childhood dream by saying, "No, you can't do that. You'll starve to death." How many parents do that? "I want to be a policeman." "No, Jimmy you'll get shot and killed. Pick something else." Seriously, how much does that suck? Well, if my mother were still alive, I think that she might be happy if I was doing stand up. At least, I wouldn't be so fat then. She was always hung up on my weight. I'd tell her it's the stand up comedy diet. She'd be pleased I was finally thin. It's been over 30 years and I still remember that conversation. I still would love to do stand up comedy but I'm way to chicken now. My mother believed that I would literally cease to exist if that were my chosen profession. That I wouldn't be good enough to feed myself. That if I did that, I couldn't even get a job a McDonalds to feed my food habit. Way to squash the dreams of your only child Mom.<br /><br />The next incident with my mother was when I told her I didn't want to go to college. That was even less popular than the comedian decision. This happened when I was 12. All I remember is there being some sort of atomic explosion in my home and I was told I was going to college, there was no option, no choice, that was that, shut up, do not pass go, do not collect $200.<br /><br />Now, my options were limited. I could go to college, it just had to be in state. I applied to several and got accepted to several. I pretty much had my pick. SOOOOOOOO, I chose the one that my mother was dead set against. I wanted one that Mom and Dad couldn't just drop in on me. It had to be far enough away for my comfort but close enough I could drive home if I wished. I chose a private university that was STUPID expensive instead of the state school that my mother wanted me to attend. All her friends daughters went to the other school. I should go there. I didn't want to go there. There was no way in hell I was going to be convinced that I would go to school there. So away to central Virginia I went. Off to be a psychology major. Wait, I'm not a psychology major??? Why the hell not? Because I won't be able to eat. Great. <br /><br />OK. I'm out of school and doing absolutely nothing related to my major. In fact, I'm really happy doing nothing related to my major. Everyday I look at my degree on the wall and smile about it. I appeased my mother by having a business minor, so I could eat. Needless to say I'm doing nothing with any portion of my degree. I'm actually happy about that. At this point in my life, I wouldn't want to be a psychologist nor work in business. I like testing software. I get to break things for money. I get to do puzzles for money. What could really be more fun than that?<br /><br />However, I'm really finally taking part of my life and really doing with it what I want to. I'm not worrying what people think about my decisions. I really don't care. All I know is I'm trying to do what makes me happy. I want to enjoy life. You only get one go at it. You've got to make it count. Right now, my life is a lot more fun than it's been in a very long time.Jeanniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13627937031653729700noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9035409794292255277.post-18820677130768692202009-05-21T10:19:00.006-04:002009-05-21T10:47:38.322-04:00So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. - Matt. 6:34<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhgn1s82X7kLB5h647QnVdBZXNlzko_lncEtBzT4ruTVIsfLg7LA2K0RfzrhqNGyEsqTkmK7glsjtZaJyoq70tbMKw5P_Mg-yRvG5PNgjuiViQnlpVOVEETQbr9JDpSoTm-HKWISVug_k/s1600-h/scream.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhgn1s82X7kLB5h647QnVdBZXNlzko_lncEtBzT4ruTVIsfLg7LA2K0RfzrhqNGyEsqTkmK7glsjtZaJyoq70tbMKw5P_Mg-yRvG5PNgjuiViQnlpVOVEETQbr9JDpSoTm-HKWISVug_k/s400/scream.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5338282112409577058" /></a><br /><br />Hi, my name is Jeannie and I'm a stressaholic. Hi, Jeannie.<br /><br />You'd think that with all the things I've dealt with in my time on this planet, I'd get better at dealing with stress. Stress does nothing but bad things to you. I know this. My mother was a nurse. I went to nursing school, for a while anyway. I have seen the results of stress first hand. No matter, I do it anyway and I do it well. My dealing with stress comes and goes. Sometimes, I'm great with it. Sometimes, not so much. Lately, it's been not so much. When I say lately, I mean like the last two weeks.<br /><br />As much as I like spontaneity, I'm quite the creature of habit. Sometimes when a monkey wrench gets tossed into my plans, I totally freak out. Not always, but sometimes. When I lost my job last year, I totally didn't stress. I knew that God would provide. I had been asking for Him to fix the relationship with me and my supervisor at the time. Well, He fixed it. I no longer worked there. However, He got me a job that I love with people I really enjoy working with. I had several offers. The one I took wasn't the one that paid the most, or had the most prestige, it was the one God wanted me to take. I spoke with my pastor at length about my options. Somehow I knew, the job I took was the one I was ultimately supposed to have. Looking back on things, I know it was the right decision and other things in my life wouldn't have come to where they are now if I hadn't. When I stress, I must remind myself to read Matthew 6. Therein lies the cure to anxiety.<br /><br />For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? <br /><br />Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? <br /><br />And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? <br /><br />And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these. <br /><br />But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith! <br /><br />Do not worry then, saying, 'What will we eat?' or 'What will we drink?' or 'What will we wear for clothing?' <br /><br />For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. <br /><br />But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. <br /><br />So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. <br /><br />Jesus was right. He was totally ahead of His time. Completely, revolutionary in His teachings. Telling us that we can be completely free by becoming a servant to God.<br /><br />Free. Happy. Isn't that what we all want really? You can overlook many things if you're happy. Having $6.93 in the bank until you get paid again doesn't seem so bad. Not knowing when you'll get paid again doesn't seem so bad. You know that everything is going to be ok because it will be ok. You know that life is unrolling just as it should. Stressing isn't going to put money in the bank, clothes on your back, food on the table or hours on your life. God will provide what we need. He knows better than we do on what we need. Sometimes we just need to be reminded of this. God puts those people in our lives too. Thanks, Jody.Jeanniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13627937031653729700noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9035409794292255277.post-61628145955339886702009-05-20T12:55:00.003-04:002009-05-20T13:45:22.391-04:00"Everything is theoretically impossible, until it is done.”<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8uLf6z0pBZZOXzxkpzaz8NEMvi9E2RrvzOSr1ct-1LFGE3QWO4DvM8yfT9H7zznCzwyUFAnP-cT_JOC5lA8FW4obWRWhfKOK7Y0J3YPUH0R5n242BNcELv6I6FFqNcTrJFyux9LLqZ7c/s1600-h/eat.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 252px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8uLf6z0pBZZOXzxkpzaz8NEMvi9E2RrvzOSr1ct-1LFGE3QWO4DvM8yfT9H7zznCzwyUFAnP-cT_JOC5lA8FW4obWRWhfKOK7Y0J3YPUH0R5n242BNcELv6I6FFqNcTrJFyux9LLqZ7c/s400/eat.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5337951203805823090" /></a><br /><br />Today I had a mammogram. This experience is much like throwing your boob down in the street and having it run over by a car. In fact, it might be more pleasant that way because you could at least be drunk for the experience. I really never thought that my breasts could be mashed so flat that you could see through them if they were held up to a light. I always think I'm going to need a Spam Key (ok I'm dating myself here) to roll them back up and put them back in their harness to keep them safe.<br /><br />Today didn't start well because I really didn't sleep. I had the events of the next morning on my mind. Yes, I know worry is a sin. I don't think that this was worry, more like dread. You know that kind of dread. The this is something that I have to do but I REALLY wish there was another way to do this. That added with the fact that the "ladies" are pierced didn't add to my piece of mind. I got up, got dressed, got my stuff and left. At least I thought I got my stuff. I left my wallet and my phone at home. YAY!! I realize this when they ask me for my insurance card. GREAT!! So I get on the phone with the HMO to get the number for the Women's Imaging Center. This place is designed to look very state of the art. Designed to place women at ease. However, when you're going in to have your boobs squished, you can only be so relaxed. I complete my paperwork and wait to hear my name called. There are several women there. Lots of them. Some brought their husbands. You could tell by the look on the guy's face he REALLY didn't want to be there. He knew well enough though, that if he didn't go, he wouldn't get to touch what was going to be squished for a long time. The more I watched women move through there, the more it seemed like they were moving cattle through to be milked. They would call two, three of four back. Then another two or three. Then one or two. Moving them through steadily.<br /><br />My name was called and there was a rather youthful women there that introduced herself and asked how I was. What do you say to this? Tell the truth or exchange formal pleasantries? I chose the latter. It's not her fault she's stuck slapping boobs on glass plates and squishing them all day. She's getting a paycheck. In this day and age, we all should be so lucky. She tells me to take off my shirt and bra and slip on one of the gowns with the opening in the front. She looks at me, looks at the ladies, looks at their jewelry and says "Those don't come out do they?" To save me the hastle of removing them and painfully putting them back in, I said "No, sorry." OK. Now I go up and they place me in this midieval torture device made by General Electric. First the right, then the left. The mashing mechanism is controlled by a footpedal. They get you in there, mash you flatter than roadkill, then tell you not to move. Move?? Seriously??? I can barely breathe much less move. Finally, after multiple squishings from multiple angles, I could leave. I didn't think that the ladies would ever go back into the shape they were prior to being run through a device obviously invented by a man to torture women. If they had to put their "buddies" in those things, they'd find a new way to test for cancer.<br /><br />I survived. None too much the worse for wear. Just tired and pissed off at this point. Off to work I go. I don't want to see anyone, answer any questions, or talk to anyone. I want to sit with my machine and look at software. That's it. I go back out to my car at lunch. I always leave my windows cracked because of the heat. I find that someone has slipped a card into my seat. I unlock the car and get the card and open it. It's from Jody and it makes me smile. That was my first smile of the day and it didn't come until lunchtime. Yes, I know what I've said about greeting card companies in the past. Yes, I know I said that they feed on the neurosis of society. I also know that I now have two cards tacked up on my corkboard that make me feel special.Jeanniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13627937031653729700noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9035409794292255277.post-38246505739413205412009-05-18T15:19:00.005-04:002009-05-19T10:29:54.683-04:00Age is not an accomplishment, and youth is not a sin.<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBLin9cW6VQj-VWRT3_UbqDEqb4d59F5KXhwXeVQ8ldLGuNp2I6U1EA7se6MJ5lFDLlN4T1bvS2_KFfQrgEV9Gqy_DhiK0-XLOR4QJadZo6gfWWBXGl1wh5HcJrwq_-zRZ4SNBmioF5co/s1600-h/pot.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBLin9cW6VQj-VWRT3_UbqDEqb4d59F5KXhwXeVQ8ldLGuNp2I6U1EA7se6MJ5lFDLlN4T1bvS2_KFfQrgEV9Gqy_DhiK0-XLOR4QJadZo6gfWWBXGl1wh5HcJrwq_-zRZ4SNBmioF5co/s320/pot.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5337537408435243362" /></a><br /><br />Can I tell you how much it sucks to get old? When you're younger, you can abuse the snot out of your body and it just bounces back. Drink too much. Get up the next day and be fine. Stay out all night, show up in the same clothes you wore the day before and you're fine. Run, jump, fall, whatever and everything is ok the next day. However, I've found that all that abuse that you subjected yourself to in your younger days takes it's toll. It's never right away, it waits until you turn 35. Then it sneaks in and slowly makes getting up a little harder, drinking a little more painful, and God know's I can't seem to function on less than 7 hours sleep.<br /><br />Today is one of those days. A day, I didn't get my seven hours of sleep. A day, that I was so sore it hurt to roll over in bed much less get out of it. A day, that putting on my jeans was a true experience. I'm thankful for the fact that there are no camcorders in my home.<br /><br />My youngest dog, Zion, comes bouncing into the room full of boundless energy. Jumping on cats, other dogs and me. The me part is what I was really concerned with. All the others have to fend for themselves at this point.<br /><br />When I was a child, I could never understand my Mother's lack of wanting to play and run. I sure as hell can now. I'm not even as old as she was then. I can't believe I've gotten so old. I've become dull. I've become the people that just want to stay at home and curl up with a book. I didn't understand it then, but now I totally get it.<br /><br />Furthermore, I hear things come out of my mouth that I heard my mother say. It shocks me. I think all women, provided that they live long enough, are destined to become their mother. Scary thought. Truly scary.Jeanniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13627937031653729700noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9035409794292255277.post-79642420934015361842009-05-18T11:44:00.007-04:002009-05-18T12:50:00.500-04:00"Love" is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own... Jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition.<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgABi52xrSkFfwtWoAGKq-7TdTqH7NaYq1-eZbKahwTt-lc9YiYsThQPoAIgI1YepynTZLH7Yhpu-LFEYV9QWjEU0NyPpIoRAP5hs4JVWprtn_ttltuCfNXxjOTs1XTww5goiAmxDN4tOs/s1600-h/ihasluv.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 190px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgABi52xrSkFfwtWoAGKq-7TdTqH7NaYq1-eZbKahwTt-lc9YiYsThQPoAIgI1YepynTZLH7Yhpu-LFEYV9QWjEU0NyPpIoRAP5hs4JVWprtn_ttltuCfNXxjOTs1XTww5goiAmxDN4tOs/s200/ihasluv.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5337191778384171906" /></a><br /><br />OK. So the Super Fantastic Blog has been on haiatus over a year now. I can completely understand how people become total slackers. You think "Hey, I'll just to that tomorrow." Next thing you know it's been a year and you still haven't done it. You've thought about it. Thought, "Hey I really need to do that." The thoughts never prompt you to actually break out the laptop and do it. Some may think I had nothing to say or I lacked inspriation. It's not that I lacked inspiration or material. Far from it. I think I had WAY TOO MUCH inspiration and material. The act of putting all that inspiration down for others to experience would surely have blown my processor and the mind of anyone reading it. Hence, I have developed a NO DRAMA ZONE mentality. I can create enough drama on my own without people bringing me theirs. No Drama. No Drama. No Drama. That's my mantra.<br /><br />For those of you that remember my posts of old, I was lonely, cynical, generally bitter and pissed off. I had put all my faith and trust in God because I had no choice. I had truly screwed up my life on my own so I figured that He couldn't do any worse than I had. Put your faith and trust in something that's not directly tangable. Easy to say but hard to do. I did it. It wasn't without struggle or doubt, mind you. It was a journey into a place I had never been before. Relying completely on God. Scary concept to think about. However once it's done, it's scarier living life anyway other than that.<br /><br />My propensity to refuse to support the greeting card industry in the past has been well documented. I always thought that they preyed on the neurosis of society. However, I now find myself looking at a greeting card tacked to my corkboard. So what has restored my faith in the greeting card industry, you may ask? Well, God has seen fit to bless me with an awesome person with which to share my life experiences. Pretty cool. I had to go through all the screwed up-ness in order to get to the point that I was ready for a relationship. I thought I was ready but God knew better. So I really had given up on the whole idea. Then when I give up, God throws Jody at me. Crazy stuff. <br /><br />God has his own plans.<br /><br />I have Jody.<br /><br />Jody has me.<br /><br />i has luv.Jeanniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13627937031653729700noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9035409794292255277.post-58429037093523113692008-02-14T09:25:00.002-05:002008-02-14T09:57:56.084-05:00"For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."<img style="WIDTH: 300px; HEIGHT: 350px" height="350" alt="lolcats funny cat pictures" src="http://www.lolcats.com/images/u/07/31/lolcatsdotcomthrkt18ogucu1b95.jpg" width="448" border="0" /><br />Yes this is historically a date for disaster. It doesn't matter if you're single, married, with someone, without someone, divorced, or whatever Valentine's Day churns up emotions in us all. It also churns up stress in us all. <br /><br />The only thing I can say is I know I'm getting stronger every day. I don't know what God plans for me. I don't know and He's not telling. I just have to be patient and know that they've got to be pretty good. Otherwise, why would He have not just let me die that night in the hospital? I was close, it hurt enough that I wish He had taken me. It just didn't happen. Evidently I have a future and I need to have hope.<br /><br />I realize that one of the reasons that I really hate this day is because it scares me. If you're alone society sees you as a loser. When I wasn't alone, I couldn't seem to get it right on Valentine's Day. Maybe I tried too hard. I don't know. <br /><br />I've got to be fearless. I can't let things of this world strike fear into my heart. I want to be a person that people tell stories about. I want to be like Benaiah. He was crazy fearless because he knew God had his back. I want to be like that. I want people to say, "Is she crazy?" Then people will answer, "No, she's fearless. God has her back."Jeanniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13627937031653729700noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9035409794292255277.post-26485459885503674742008-02-12T10:42:00.000-05:002008-02-12T11:12:51.597-05:00"We fall in love when our imagination projects nonexistent perfection upon another person. One day, the fantasy evaporates and with it, love dies."<img alt="lolcats funny cat pictures" src="http://www.lolcats.com/images/u/07/31/lolcatsdotcom8vep82u35hqhg8hq.jpg" border="0" /><br /><br /><br />Here it comes and nobody can stop it. That greeting card inspired hell called "Valentine's Day." Funny thing about it, there seems to be no real evidence of there really being a one true St. Valentines. St. Valentine is the name of several martyred saints ancient Rome. Of the Saint Valentine whose feast is on 14 February, nothing is known except his name and that he was buried at the Via Flaminia north of Rome on 14 February. It is even uncertain whether the feast of that day celebrates only one saint or two or more saints of the same name.<br /></span><span style="color:#333333;"><br /></span>In fact, the earliest lists of martyrs the name Valentine was never included. The current legends that surround St. Valentine were invented and perpetuated by Geoffrey Chaucer in the 14th century.<br /><br />I personally think St. Valentine is the patron saint of greeting cards. He is also the patron saint of people who feel like a loser because they are single on this holiday put forth by the greeting card companies. It's a shame that people are made to feel bad because they don't have a love in their life, and all because of FAKE holiday. People feel so much pressure that they propose on Valentine's Day, get married on Valentine's Day, etc. I think it's ridiculous.<br /><br />So I propose that we do something completely not Valentines related this year. Rent My Bloody Valentine. Rent Reservoir Dogs. Stay home. Don't go out and patronize these restaurants with their "Sweetheart Specials" or their other attempts to get you to go out and spend money. Sit at home, eat something out of the freezer and watch the most un-romantic movie you can find. <br /><br />Put it to Hallmark, American Greetings and FTD. Boycot this ridiculous holiday that makes nobody happy. Including couples because you always end up in a fight. They didn't get what they wanted, you weren't romatic enough, whatever. Just don't do it.Jeanniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13627937031653729700noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9035409794292255277.post-5863017915856181902008-01-17T14:17:00.000-05:002008-01-17T14:47:47.645-05:00Hatred is never appeased by hatred in this world; it is appeased by love.<img alt="lolcats funny cat pictures" src="http://www.lolcats.com/images/u/07/25/lolcatsdotcomh74qlljh8uz1htnt.jpg" border="0" /><br />AAAHHHH yes. Nirvana. The ultimate truth. Isn't this what everyone says that they want? The world is in a constant state of flux. Ever changing. Ever evolving. It would be nice to have a constant wouldn't it? Rather than never quite knowing where you are, always having that place to look where you know you can get your bearings. It's not the news. The news is full of hate and change and things that stress you out. It's not work. Just thinking of work really stresses me out somedays. Interpersonal relationships? Come on. That's a rollercoaster ride if there ever was one.<br /><br />I was told recently that you must repay evil with good. A simple statement. Entirely too simple really. However, it is ultimately true. There is so much evil, hatred and discontent in the world. Why should we add to it? I mean really. Think about it. If someone says or does something that you perceive (really that's what everything is - perception) to be bad or wrong or mean or untrue, what good does it do to multiply that negativity? None really. God doesn't want us to repay a wrong with another wrong. He wants us to repay a wrong with love. Vengance is his. He's better at it than we are. He's been doing it much longer. People will be given the opportunity to "learn" from their mistakes. However, their eyes must be open to see the lesson.<br /><br />I'm really trying to walk around with open eyes. It keeps me from running into walls and turning down the wrong path. People that go to church don't necessarily have open eyes. They believe that because they go to church every Sunday and they tithe and they are "active" that it will secure their place in heaven. The problem is that their eyes aren't open and neither is their heart. Your eyes and your heart must be open to Jesus. Jesus is the only ultimate truth.Jeanniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13627937031653729700noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9035409794292255277.post-26076229742091414372008-01-15T08:41:00.000-05:002008-01-15T09:05:23.039-05:00He that wrestles with us strengthens our nerves, and sharpens our skill. Our antagonist is our helper.<img alt="lolcats funny cat pictures" src="http://www.lolcats.com/images/u/07/22/lolcatsdotcomorodb113huevdazf.jpg" border="0" /><br /><br />I freely admit I'm a chicken. If God made chickens without backbones, that would surely be me. God seems to consistantly want to take me out of my comfort zone. See, I'm an introvert - big time. It takes a lot for me to talk to people I don't know or to speak in front of people. It seems like over the last six months, I've done nothing but these things on a regular basis. If any of you are familiar with the Myers-Briggs type indicator, I'm an INTP. See expanation below.<br /><br />INTP - INTP types are quiet, thoughtful, analytical individuals who don't mind spending long periods of time on their own, working through problems and forming solutions. They are very curious about systems and how things work, and are frequently found in careers such as science, architecture and law. INTPs tend to be less at ease in social situations and the caring professions, although they enjoy the company of those who share their interests. They also tend to be impatient with the bureaucracy, rigid hierarchies, and politics prevalent in many professions, preferring to work informally with others as equals.<br /><br />OK. Now, you understand a bit more about how I work. I lead a small group at the Fellowship of the Hills church. <a href="http://www.thefellowshipofthehills.org/">http://www.thefellowshipofthehills.org/</a> As I've said before, I thought God was crazy to want me to do this. However, maybe he know's what he's doing. I've dug into the Bible like I never have before. I've read more supporting documentation concerning the Bible than I ever have. I watch the Discovery Channel, the History Channel, PBS and anything else that has something to do with Biblical times, figures and knowledge. I sit and think for hours on end about questions that not only I have but those of others.<br /><br />I've come up with some lessons for my group in this manner. However, I always worry if those in my group will get what I'm trying to convey. We serve food - both for the body and for the soul. I worry about the food for the soul much more than the food for the body. <br /><br />I think I wrestle with myself more over this than just about anything else in my life, save one issue. I'm trying to provide thought provoking, spiritually growing food for my group. Each week I get a little better. However, each week I'm so nervous I think I'm gonna be sick.Jeanniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13627937031653729700noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9035409794292255277.post-28847607039839575492008-01-14T11:25:00.000-05:002008-01-14T11:58:14.067-05:00There are no crown-wearers in heaven who were not cross-bearers here below.<img alt="lolcats funny cat pictures" src="http://www.lolcats.com/images/u/07/35/lolcatsdotcomo2i3hrl4d0ctyvvb.jpg" border="0" /><br /><br />We all know that Jacob wrestled with God. Or as we say in the South - wrastled. I'm wrestling and not winning. At least Jacob came out pretty much even. He came out with just a limp. Or a "hitch in his giddy-up" as my Daddy used to say. I know I need to be patient. I know I need to let God work. Yes, I know, everything in his time. This isn't really working for me though.<br /><br />My sister that I went to see in Seattle and then she told me that she wanted no further contact with me has now contacted me. Now wait, it's not because she wants a relationship. Not to say I'm sorry for hurting you. But to ask me for help because our father will not help her. It would be all to easy to say "Sorry about your luck." She's pregnant and is having clotting issues. Our father says it's not genetic. Well, let's see. Your eldest daughter has it, you have it, now your middle daughter is having issues with it. Somebody give me a brick. I need it to hit my father in the head. However, being a Christian often means doing what's right even though you don't want to. I had resolved myself to never speaking with this woman again. I had decided that if she emailed or called, they would go unanswered. However, there are people's lives at stake here. Her's and her baby's lives depend on my help. That's something that I can't ignore. Would I like a relationship with my sister? Sure. Just not like this. I don't want her to feel like I'm her last hope and because I help her she owes me anything. She owes me nothing. That's the thing, if I could save the life of a person that I didn't even know, I would.<br /><br />I struggled with this all weekend. I was angry, then I wasn't. I was hurt, then I wasn't. I felt contempt, then I didn't.<br /><br />Yes, I know. This is my year. There are big things in store for me. I'm sure that this is the tip of the iceberg. There will be many more wrastlin' matches with God. I'm sure of it.<br /><br /><br /><a href="http://www.lolcats.com/view/10323"></a>Jeanniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13627937031653729700noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9035409794292255277.post-64406046550355652072008-01-10T09:47:00.000-05:002008-01-10T10:08:38.231-05:00In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.<img alt="lolcats funny cat pictures" src="http://www.lolcats.com/images/u/07/30/lolcatsdotcomq09e3xuqkvclqomt.jpg" border="0" /><br />"Well, let's start in the beginning." That's what I thought when I started to put together material for my small group for my church. (Actually, it's the greatest church on the planet, but we won't go there........yet.) So I started going through my Bible looking at the beginnings of different things. Nothing really struck me. This was a New Year, a new beginning I wanted something about beginnings. Well as we all come to find out, it's not about what we want. It's about what God wants. As I read and researched, it began to lay heavy on my mind that it's not just about beginnings but about foundations. Getting a good foundation on which to build a life. I began to research and to pray. What is this all about? Foundations. OK. In the beginning there was God. God's the foundation. The next level up is Jesus. After that is the Holy Spirit. Finally, the Holy Scriptures. I've got Christians of all different levels in my group. Some grew up in church. Some didn't. Some were Catholics. Some were nothing definable. Anyway you look at it we all need to get back to the basics. That's the only way life's going to work out. <br /><br />So I started this week with God. There is one God and that is the one God of the Bible. We began to read scripture and discuss who we thought God was. The conclusion is this, God is who he says he is. Simple, straight-forward and true. I enjoyed our sharing. I enjoyed the discussion. I have the idea that God wants us to know who he is. I think we got a good start this week.Jeanniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13627937031653729700noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9035409794292255277.post-8493955263556229662008-01-07T15:23:00.000-05:002008-01-07T15:38:28.760-05:00And now for something completely different.<a href="http://www.wiikitty.com/kitties/pocky01.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://www.wiikitty.com/kitties/pocky01.jpg" border="0" /></a> For Christmas, I splurged on myself and bought a Wii. Wii is really fun. It's really addictive and it's an easy way to waste an entire evening. Furthermore, it's an easy way to make yourself really sore and discover you're really out of shape. Danny (my roommate) and I play Wii. Then the next day we sit around and complain about how sore, old and out of shape we are. How pathetic is that? I mean we are both over the age of 35 and playing video games for one. Secondly, we get SORE from playing these games. SAD! We play boxing, bowling, and golf mostly. The boxing and the bowling get you the worst. You actually will work up a sweat. I'm waiting to have some sort of cardiac or pulmonary incident while playing. Then, I'll be the laughing stock of the hospital. "Girl, did you see that old, fat, white woman in room 7? Yep, she had a heart attack while playing Wii." I see the headlines of the Tallahassee Democrat. <strong>Old, Fat, White Woman Dies Playing Wii.</strong> I'll be on news of the weird. The Weekly World News will have some story about how I'd been playing for 6 days straight and fell over. My roommate would then use the Wii controller as a defibrillator paddle and bring me back to life. I can see it all now. Reporters surrounding my home, asking Danny how he came up with the idea. Everybody clamoring to get a look at the miracle woman. <br /><br />Anyway, anybody thinking about buying a Wii - go ahead. They're fun. Maybe it'll make me less fat. Mabye it's actually exercise. Maybe I just need to give up pizza.<br /><div></div>Jeanniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13627937031653729700noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9035409794292255277.post-81836285738940289772008-01-04T09:08:00.000-05:002008-01-04T10:01:04.661-05:00Thought is the seed of action. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson<img alt="lolcats funny cat pictures" src="http://www.lolcats.com/images/u/07/25/lolcatsdotcomkh2sfbuya7kar62g.jpg" border="0" /><br /><br /><strong>Warning! This is very stream of consciousness and somewhat disjointed.</strong><br /><br />It seems like since the new year began, I have been lost in deep thought. I have pondered many questions and I don't know if I have any answers but I do have ideas. I watched Dogma for the 876th time. Something really struck me this time. Rufus said,"I think it's better to have ideas. You can change an idea. Changing a belief is trickier. Life should malleable and progressive; working from idea to idea permits that. Beliefs anchor you to certain points and limit growth; new ideas can't generate. Life becomes stagnant. " I have come to the harsh realization that I think this is true. Changing a belief can really be almost imposible. Once someone says that they believe something, there's almost no way to talk them out of it. Right or wrong. If something that comes to pass as fact goes against your belief system, what then? You spend your life in doubt. You can't afford to spend your life in doubt, no matter what it is. Church laws are fallible because they are created by man. Who's to say that what my church laws are fit with what God's laws are? It's better to have an idea of what's right rather than to have some law put forth by whatever denomination tell you what's right. Find your own truth. I refuse to have my life become stagnant because I have locked myself into some law that some other guy thought of. Faith is a blessing and not a burden. I don't think that any denomination has truly got it totally right. As long as we cling to these "beliefs" or "laws" we as humanity won't get it right. We have to be able to admit that we're wrong. Does it matter what we have faith in, or does it matter that we just have faith? I have the idea that God is big enough for more than one religion. I also have the idea that religion may be the ultimate downfall of man. I'm not saying that God is the downfall by any means. I'm saying religion is. People need to have relationships with God, not religions. You have all these people doing all these horrible things supposedly in the name of Jesus or God - wars, biggotry, murder. God signifies love and peace. He wants us to love each other. If you really love someone, how can you kill them? How can you discriminate against them? How can you treat them as having any lesser value than you yourself? I heard some crazy stuff on New Years Eve - from a group of people that claim to be Christians. All Christians should carry guns. Christians need guns to defend themselves against those that don't believe the same as they do. <strong>What?!?</strong> You've got to be kidding me. What about Matthew 5:39 "But I say to you, do not resist an evil person; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also." If I am to meet God because someone else kills me, so be it. Killing another human to defend my ideas is not justifiable. Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall inherit the earth. I plan on being a peacemaker. I plan on being a thinker. I plan on being one that spreads ideas. I plan on being someone that shows what love can do on this world. I've got lots of thoughts....lots of ideas. Now I need to put them into action. This is my year.Jeanniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13627937031653729700noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9035409794292255277.post-14318153738661812792008-01-03T15:48:00.000-05:002008-01-03T16:04:34.364-05:00I get by with a little help from my friends.<img alt="lolcats funny cat pictures" src="http://www.lolcats.com/images/u/07/25/lolcatsdotcom26gdmkz177vis00g.jpg" border="0" /><br />WOW!! IT'S OVER!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!! IT'S FINALLY OVER!!<br />Yep. Done. 2007 is a thing of the past. I can't tell you how thankful and grateful and relieved and comforted knowing that the year 2007 is behind me. It was BY FAR the most trying year of my life. I waited with baited breath for the ball to drop, for the clock to chime, to hear the first few notes of Auld Lang Syne. This is a big ole' THANKS to all my friends that got me through this absolutely horrific year. I got dumped last New Years Eve and I was not much in the mood for it this year. I was surrounded by my friends and we prayed and read scripture to celebrate the new year. Everything happens for a reason right? That's what I keep telling myself. This is going to be MY YEAR. Big things are in store for me. God's not going to let me down. He's the master showman. New Year's day I kept getting the same recurring thought in my head - "I'm going to give you what you want, but you're not going to like it." Don't really know what that means. No idea. All I know is that I pray and tell God that I'm his. What he does with me is up to him. I'll have to admit that I've been remiss on my postings. The holidays took their toll on me. They were quite difficult but I expected nothing less. 2007 was the year of my trial and tribulation. It would not go gently into that good night. It was raging against the dying of the light. I feel free now. Almost etherial. I don't know where I'm going but I sure know where I've been. God's gonna lead my way. I've put all my trust in him. Yeah God!Jeanniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13627937031653729700noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9035409794292255277.post-87225001042498099722007-12-19T08:42:00.000-05:002007-12-19T09:31:28.300-05:00Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss<img alt="lolcats funny cat pictures" src="http://www.lolcats.com/images/u/07/28/lolcatsdotcommdwp9yloge2o947e.jpg" border="0" /><br />Yepper. Like that quote. Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss. Living is learning how to throw yourself into the world and not becoming of this world. We, as Christians, must learn to dive headfirst into this world and not become of it. John 15:18-19 states "If the world hates you, you know that it has hated Me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, because of this the world hates you." John also states that no matter what happens to you, you can have peace through Him in this world. John16:33 states "These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world." Jesus overcame the trials, tribulations and boundaries of this world. All we have to do is ask - "Press button for Service."<br /><br />I went and pressed the button for service yesterday. I went to see my Pastor at Fellowship of the Hills. Scott's a great guy with a great deal of insight. He listens and doesn't judge. I laid out everything on the table. My past relationship that failed miserably. How I got dumped on New Years Eve at my family's house. How they came back after they got dumped for who they dumped me for. How that didn't work either. How that seemed to be the last straw for me. I started to try to find a church and couldn't find one. I came across FOTH. I felt so at home. I felt so accepted. I was greeted with love. <br /><br />I have serious issues with trust, as I have stated earlier. I didn't realize it, but I have serious issues with rejection. Scott told me I have rejection stamped all over my soul. Once he said that, I knew he was right. I have faced rejection after rejection over the course of my entire life. I guess it all started at birth. Rejected by my birth parents and given away. Then when I found my birth parents, I was rejected again. I suppose that it's come full circle. Scott told me that he belives that God is trying to teach me to not rely on the acceptance of man but to rely on the acceptance of God. He says that people of this world will reject you and persecute you but that's ok. That's what they do. Jesus was persecuted. Jesus said in Matthew 5:15 "Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."<br /><br />I also finally figured out why my relationship failed. I had put this person first in my life. I had put them on a pedistal. They had come before everything......including God. That's why it didn't work. My relationship with Kelli was and is the work of Satan in my life. Satan continues to taunt me with it. Scott says that I need to cut Kelli completely out of my life. That should be relatively easy because she refuses to have anything to do with me. She won't talk or listen. I guess that's Satan at work in her life.<br /><br />Anyway, after getting all that off my chest with Scott. I felt better. Seriously. I had my small group last night and I felt it was the best one that we had in a long time. God was truly at work there last night. We talked about Christ and Christmas and Heaven and forgiveness and salvation and love and peace. It was truly moving.<br /><br />Scott is restoring my faith in God but more importantly, he's restoring my faith in me.<br /><br />I couldn't ask for a better Pastor or a better friend.Jeanniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13627937031653729700noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9035409794292255277.post-75646939405043294332007-12-14T12:54:00.000-05:002007-12-14T13:35:58.993-05:00When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.<img alt="lolcats funny cat pictures" src="http://www.lolcats.com/images/u/07/30/lolcatsdotcomcp9ft42adefgub62.jpg" border="0" /><br /><br />I have eaten enough nutritionally devoid food today to last for the rest of the year and it's only 1:00. Actually, I ate all this by about 11:00 but only now am I able to do anything. I feel really bad. Today, was my department's annual holiday pig out and there are five of us. We have enough food to feed the enitre Spartan Army. It covers an entire conference table. It's all right in front of me. Gluttony is a bad thing. Is there such thing as food overdose? If so, I have it. I can't emphasize enough how bad I feel. BLEGH!<br /><br />I know I ate because: 1) it was there 2) it was good and 3) I'm depressed. How much do I suck? Evidently a bunch. Enough to find my solice in food. Although it was temporary, it was fun at the time. How many times have all of us said that? It was fun at the time.<br /><br />I hate Christmas in Florida. It doesn't seem like Christmas. It's 80 degrees outside. People are wearing shorts. Everything is green. It should be about 20 degrees with snow on the ground and you shouldn't want to go outside without bundling up to look like a starfish. I get all bent when I see inflatable snow men in people's yards. Even more so with icicle lights, penguins and snowmen made out of lights. THIS WILL NEVER HAPPEN HERE! No self respecting penguin would be caught dead in this weather. Santa Claus would have to strip down to his skivvies to avoid heat stroke.<br /><br />Don't get me started on these people that want to tell kids there's no Santa. I want to choke the crap out of these parents that say that they don't want to lie to their kids. Well, guess what you're lying anyway. You're just to cheap to buy the extra gifts. My Mom always said that as long as I believe in Santa, Santa will keep giving me gifts. OK, I believed in Santa until I was 32. That was when Mom died. I knew there wasn't a Santa long before that but I could scrounge an extra gift or two every year by telling Mom I had been a good girl that year and I'd like Santa to get me a new pair of boots. Sho'nuf - Santa provided a new pair. Santa's a great guy. Bah Humbug to all you parents that wish to squish a little child's excitement on Christmas morning. You're also the ones that tell them there's no tooth fairy or Easter Bunny. Don't tell me it's because you want to focus on the "real" meaning of Christmas. That's crap too. The "real" meaning of Christmas is peace and generosity and unto us is born this day a saviour, which is Christ the Lord. Jesus got gifts. Granted they were pretty lame for a newborn. I'm sure Mary would have much prefered a rattle, some onsies, and a case of Pampers. But he got gifts none the less. God gave us the gift of salvation on this day. If we need to go back to St. Nick which is the "Father Christmas" kind of model - lets. <br /><br />The original Saint Nicholas was a Christian bishop in 4th-century Myra, geographically located in modern-day Turkey. As an adult, Nicholas gained a reputation as a generous man and the protector of innocents. These saintly traits largely arose from two horrific legends, both of which eventually led to his canonization. The first is said to have occurred during a terrible famine. A local butcher, in need of something to sell, lured three unsuspecting boys into his shop. He killed the boys, chopped them into pieces, then stuffed their remains in a brine tub, hoping to cure them enough that he could sell the parts as ham. Nicholas was visiting the afflicted region at the time of the crime. Somehow Nicholas became aware of the butcher’s wicked deed. He visited the shop, uncovered the crime, and hastily reassembled the three boys. They came back to life, a bit salty but otherwise in good health. Despite the happy ending, it’s not exactly the kind of story that gets told at the Christmas Eve candlelight service. In the second legend, a poor citizen of Myra had three daughters, but not enough money to afford a dowry for them. No dowry meant no marriage, and unmarried women in those days generally had one career choice: prostitution. The father was less than thrilled by this possibility, but too proud to ask for help. Nicholas discovered the family’s predicament the night before the first daughter came of age. Not wanting to embarrass anyone, he approached the family’s house late one night and tossed a bag of gold through an opened window. He did the same thing the night before the second daughter came of age. Both gifts were enough to cover the dowry, and both girls were spared the consequence of their poverty. Before long, the third daughter was ready to marry, and the appreciative father wanted to find out who was behind the lavish gifts. When the time came, the father hid next to the window, hoping to catch their anonymous benefactor in the act. Nicholas learned of the father’s plan and improvised: Instead of lobbing it through the window, he dropped the third bag of gold down the chimney. Before long, the bishop — who had worn liturgical robes of red and white — was canonized as a saint. Saint Nicholas became venerated as the protector of innocents, the patron saint of children, and a secret giver of gifts. See the similarities?? Give the kids a break, let them be kids. Let them have Santa. They've got their whole lives to figure out that the world is harsh and unfair. Don't start it by denying them the joy of waking up on Chrismas to get free stuff.<br /><br />I'll step down off my soap box now.<br /><br />Thank you. Thank you very much.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.lolcats.com/view/8833"></a><br /><br /><div></div>Jeanniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13627937031653729700noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9035409794292255277.post-37759472865938837042007-12-12T09:37:00.000-05:002007-12-12T10:44:29.147-05:00Never try to out stubborn a cat<img style="WIDTH: 305px; HEIGHT: 350px" height="350" alt="lolcats funny cat pictures" src="http://www.lolcats.com/images/u/07/22/lolcatsdotcom3rejpjar84jtvoz7.jpg" width="392" border="0" /> <div><a href="http://www.lolcats.com/view/4"></a>This is what I feel like people say to me when I'm talking. Perhaps I have communications issues. Perhaps they have communications issues. Anyway you look at it, there's a communications issue.</div><div></div><div>It's the holiday's and I'm REALLY trying to be festive. However, being festive is really TRYING. People tell me to put up a tree, I'll feel better. I look at it like, if I put up this tree, I'm going to have to take it down and put it away in January. Why give myself more work to do? I don't feel like doing anything anyway. AAAHHHH, the sweet surrender to sleep.</div><div></div><div>Sleeping would be much better if my bed weren't covered in junk. I need to clean my room. If I'm having difficulties cleaning up my room, who's to say this Christmas tree won't be up in April.</div><div></div><div>People make me mad. They take one thing that you said completely out of context and apply it to everything that you attempt to do in your life. You wonder why I said :</div><div></div><div><a href="http://bluedragon1969.blogspot.com/2007/10/people-are-hard-dogs-are-easy.html#links">http://bluedragon1969.blogspot.com/2007/10/people-are-hard-dogs-are-easy.html#links</a> </div><div> </div><div> </div><div></div><div>I wish I could be like a little kid. They play, they get mad, they appologize, they fogive and it's done. No such luck with adults. You play, everybody gets mad, they bring all your friends into it, lawyers get involved, nobody appologizes, you're in a house with no furniture, you're broke and pissed.</div><div></div><div>Even when you appologize, they don't forgive. If they do, they don't remember. It shouldn't be forgive and forget. It should be forgive and remember.</div><div></div><div>I'm trying the forgive and remember. It's hard.</div><div></div><div>2008 is gonna be MY YEAR. It's got to be easier than this one.<br /><br /></div><div></div>Jeanniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13627937031653729700noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9035409794292255277.post-80233806351849233002007-12-11T09:08:00.000-05:002007-12-11T13:55:56.264-05:00Delusions are often functional.<a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/8099/563/1600/squirrels.0.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/8099/563/1600/squirrels.0.jpg" border="0" /></a> Delusions are not only functional but necessary. The holidays are the perfect time of year to talk about delusions. Everybody is hustling and bustling around in the 80 degree heat (yes - Florida Christmas is like no other). They crowd the malls buying gifts that they'll be paying for for the next six months. Everyone wants everybody else to believe they're happy. What am I saying? Everybody wants to believe that they are happy. Everybody's just too busy running around getting ready for the holidays that they have yet to sit down and think about the holidays are are they really happy. The busyness of the season creates this delusion for a time. It may be the delusion that they are truly happy. It may be the delusion that they aren't happy. It may be the delusion of importance or non-importance. None of these things are true - really. They are perceptions. They are labels that we put on ourselves for self definition. They aren't totally true nor are they totally false. People create their own reality and their own truth. Some seek the truth, some are fed it while they accept it blindly, some make it up and think it so.<br /><br />Are squirrels fighting with lightsabers the truth? Absolutely not. However, they are funny. Funny is what I needed today.<br /><br />Let's just say, I've come to have a certain amount of disdain for the holiday season. For a multitude of reasons that I don't care to go into at this point. However, people need to realize that that silver Christmas tree or that XBOX 360 or that IPod won't bring long lasting happiness this holiday season. Will it bring happiness? Sure - to some. To others they are happy until they get the bill. What really brings happiness has to come from within each of us. I struggle with this daily. I struggle with being single. I struggle with being far away from my family. I struggle with the rejection of certain people that have been close to me. I struggle with dispair. I look for answers in the one book that can give them to me. This is what I find.<br /><br />Psalm 42:11<br />Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him, The help of my countenance and my God.<br /><br />Yet God is intimiately aware of our suffering. God is aware of every tear we shed. David, "...the Lord heard the voice of my weeping," and the Bible assures us that our tears are precious to God. It says, "...put my tears into Your bottle: are they not in Your book?" (Psalm 56:8).<br /><br />I'm going to get through this fabulous happy season. Tears and all. If I have to delude myself into believing that 2008 will be my year to get through this, so be it.Jeanniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13627937031653729700noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9035409794292255277.post-70240614716311173512007-12-05T09:02:00.000-05:002007-12-05T14:44:33.211-05:00There is no safety this side of the grave. - Heinlein<a href="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v666/nimuemage/danger.jpg"><img style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v666/nimuemage/danger.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div>It's true there is no safety this side of the grave. My pastor will even tell you that being in the service of the Lord is one of the most dangerous places that you can put yourself. I can see that. </div><div><br /><br /></div><div>I've come to realize that I've come down off my "I'm invincible" high that I had when I came out of the hospital. I'm now in the "why does this frying pan keep hitting me in the face" stage of my life. I'm trying to keep the faith. I'm trying to stay positive. I don't seem to be doing such a good job of it.<br /><br /></div><div>Work is less than desireable. My boss and I have fundamental differences of opinion on things. I feel like I'll tell him something and he doesn't listen. He comes back and tells me he's uninformed. Unfortunately, I told him about it the day prior. He just doesn't "remember."</div><div> <br /><br />My small group is becoming smaller rather than larger. I feel like I'm not doing a good job being a small group leader. I don't know what to do better or different. Instead of a point of brightness in my week, it is one of dissappointment in myself.</div> <br /><br /><div>My sugarglider got out and was on an unauthorized tour of the house when I was out. Baby ate him.</div><div> <br /><br /></div><div>It's the holiday's and I'm alone - still. I know that I got dumped last New Year's Eve. I just figured things would be different by now.</div><div> <br /><br /></div><div>My family is far away up in Virginia and they're sick. I can't get away from work to go up. I can't even make it to my closest relative which is in South Carolina.</div><div> <br /><br /></div><div>My birth family has, evidently, thought me to be to much to deal with. I suppose that I can understand this. I just wanted to know them. Apparantly, they have no desire to know me.</div><div> <br /><br /></div><div>My health continues to haunt me. My chest aches to the point of being really uncomfortable about every other day. I take a Vicodin and go on.</div><div> <br /><br /></div><div>I'll have to say that 2007 has been the worst year of my life so far. I declare that 2008 will be the year of Jeannie. It's going to be my year. Good things are going to happen for me then. I've just got to wait until it starts.</div>Jeanniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13627937031653729700noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9035409794292255277.post-10844873527328194762007-12-04T08:55:00.000-05:002007-12-04T09:27:53.897-05:00When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout. - Heinlein<a href="http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s87/alibobeal/photography/P1010108.jpg"><img style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s87/alibobeal/photography/P1010108.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div>My life has gone from complex to absolutely crazy. I'm really not enjoying it very much right now. Tis the season to be jolly, right? I don't feel very jolly. I don't feel like really being around people. I've been told by my sister and her husband - without any further contact from me - to leave them alone and not contact them. I hadn't contacted them. I wasn't going to contact them. I was going to leave the ball in their court. Now, I'm of the opinion that if they hit the ball back - ever - I'm keeping it. I'm not going to continue to leave myself open for people to hurt. I'm going to compartmenatlize these feelings and deal with them later. Waiting will fill. I'm done. I don't know why I took the chance to fly to Seattle and meet these people. Probably some deep seeded curiosity on my part. It's no longer there and I have no desire to see these people again. Have your west coast life. I'll have my east coast life. Whatever.</div>Jeanniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13627937031653729700noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9035409794292255277.post-44466938523916833222007-11-29T08:55:00.000-05:002007-11-29T10:58:32.487-05:00When angry, count four; when very angry, swear. ~Mark Twain<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSV4ujoiO7Qafo3bm_hTqVPpEcosk6kjzgX8I4D8uPGc8kKfAe470Qr183wWfs6jQKOvayFuLoY-XJvUht-maL0i-88ucLqpWrKKWuoBxFsR-9-6qtnqVAzibuMGiWWckD9BTY-Z6c534/s1600-h/cat.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5138271184765279906" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSV4ujoiO7Qafo3bm_hTqVPpEcosk6kjzgX8I4D8uPGc8kKfAe470Qr183wWfs6jQKOvayFuLoY-XJvUht-maL0i-88ucLqpWrKKWuoBxFsR-9-6qtnqVAzibuMGiWWckD9BTY-Z6c534/s320/cat.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div></div><br /><p>Well Ok then. Let's start this out by stating I'm really pissed off this morning. I'm more angry than I know what to do with right now. Anger is an emotion that should prompt an action. I just don't know what action I should take. I don't know that I'm angry at anybody in particular just at circumstances and life. I don't know if I'm angry at God or not. I think I am. I don't think he's being fair. However, that goes back to the debate of whether or not you think God is an intervening God. I tend to think not so much. God's OK with me being mad at him. I can be respectful, but mad. He can handle it. I think that he likes to bring out the passion in people. Well, he's definitely brining out my passion.</p><p>My Uncle is dying of inoperable cancer. They opened him up and closed him right back up yesterday. I'm angry about this. I don't think it's fair. Cancer isn't fair. He's a good guy. I'm pissed that he's sick. I'm pissed that I live 678 miles away. I'm pissed that the doctors didn't catch it sooner. </p><p>I'm angry that I missed all the important milestones in my sister's life. I'm pissed I didn't get to see her grow up. I'm pissed that I didn't get to see her graduate from high school or college. I'm pissed that I didn't get to see her get married. I'm pissed that I wasn't there when my neice was born. I am holding a bunch of anger over this but I can't do anything about it. I can't be mad a my birth mother. She did what was best for me. I'm just mad at the situation. I feel ripped off. I can't help but feel ripped off.</p><p>My sister told me she needs time to process this before she talks to me again. I understand that. This whole thing has been life changing for the both of us. She, however, has a harder time of it because she's stuck in the middle. She must negotiate a line between her family and me. That's hard. She's now the middle child. She's always had middle child traits and one of those is peacemaker. She wants this to be peaceful for everyone involved. I don't know that it can be right now. Not because of me but because of them. I just want to know them. They just wish I never existed. Sometimes, I wish that as well.</p><p>My love life blows chunks as well. Enough said.</p><p>At some point, I must have done something that really pissed the universe off. I can't have too many cool things happen all at once. Life can only be so good. The good things can only be so good. The good things can never be amazing. What if this is as good as it gets? What if I've had the best I've ever had? What if it's all down hill from here? If that's the case then Jane, Stop this crazy thing. I want to get off.</p>Jeanniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13627937031653729700noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9035409794292255277.post-50249364762757114222007-11-28T10:29:00.000-05:002007-11-28T13:19:01.180-05:00"I have been Foolish and Deluded, and I am a Bear of No Brain at All."<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWfMuhRd9aL2RkBA26kYnoTTNV3ZjZ13rF33PwAz5hWOqYEvn1HW5PeTZkduKHLoKt5Gnyb05Aa3E6rKCwAFaiJUn2ntcRqLwP9lUA05v0XIQUJ4HGZi2Db8NVL6PWFDOS4wtzyBCE6gs/s1600-h/pooh77.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5137957377274764946" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWfMuhRd9aL2RkBA26kYnoTTNV3ZjZ13rF33PwAz5hWOqYEvn1HW5PeTZkduKHLoKt5Gnyb05Aa3E6rKCwAFaiJUn2ntcRqLwP9lUA05v0XIQUJ4HGZi2Db8NVL6PWFDOS4wtzyBCE6gs/s320/pooh77.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><div>Where is it written that you can only get your life in so much order? I feel like I'm being ridiculous by thinking that I can get my life in order and live in happiness. If you look in the Bible, there is much more mention of the joy of the wicked than the joy of the rightous. I don't want to feel like "My soul has been rejected from peace; I have forgotten happiness. " -Lamentations 3:17. However, it seems that when it rains it pours. I'm cruising along and everything is great. Then all of a sudden, everything is not great.<br /><br />My family loves me very much. It really blows that I'm so far away from all of them (both adoptive and birth). My uncle that really picked it up after my parents died has just been diagnosed with colon cancer. He's having surgery today. Nobody told me about the cancer until yesterday. Nobody told me about the surgery today. I found out about it from my cousin on a general myspace post. I feel like I should go up there but I just got back to Florida from Seattle. I'm really torn. I don't know how I'm going to deal with stuff is something happens to Uncle Doug. My parents are gone. I have no family close. People here are pissed at me for various reasons. I feel like retreating into my bedroom and barrackading it. I feel like not coming out for days. Too many emotions in too short a period of time.<br /><br />Nobody wanted to tell me Uncle Doug was sick while I was in Seattle. They felt that meeting my sister was too important. Aunt Wilma (Mom's sister) said that my mother would have been proud of me. She knew how scary it would be to go out there alone and meet strangers that I'm connected to by DNA but nothing else. She said I was courageous. I have never thought of myself as such. I always thought I was quite the opposite.<br /><br />Anyway, I thought the quote for the title was quite appropriate. However, Pooh just is. I just need to be.</div>Jeanniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13627937031653729700noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9035409794292255277.post-9899386524632720122007-11-27T13:49:00.000-05:002007-12-04T08:53:56.199-05:00You can pick your nose but not your family<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigrN-RgupawBMpV8U3daOCTSddX0Er6D8opC3r7Ww_mDUXmON6dA-mDrEfe_H5eQpVZvw-ma5Cvgtoj12Qi8veolJ5HcLf__nGjlufMey2qbjE6tKUEw5zRyyzTFqZWj66SDzPZJci9Uc/s1600-h/Copy%20of%20Jean"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5137598970843848258" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigrN-RgupawBMpV8U3daOCTSddX0Er6D8opC3r7Ww_mDUXmON6dA-mDrEfe_H5eQpVZvw-ma5Cvgtoj12Qi8veolJ5HcLf__nGjlufMey2qbjE6tKUEw5zRyyzTFqZWj66SDzPZJci9Uc/s320/Copy%2520of%2520Jean%2527s%2520Pics%2520158%5B1%5D.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div>OK. Here we go. Last week I went on vacation. Last week, I went to Seattle. Last week, I changed my life forever. Last week, I met my sister for the first time ever. She's 35. </div><br /><p>She's the hottie on the right. I'm the chubby chick on the left. Come on, fat girls try harder.</p><p>I truly am glad I went. I'm truly glad I made the reservations when I did because I would have punked out like a little wuss. Fortunately, I bought the ticket when I was still feeling fearless and invincible. As the "I took on death and won" feeling began to fade, I started to get really apprehensive and scared. I spoke to my pastor and he referenced 2 Timothy 1:7 "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and a sound mind." Listening to my pastor is what really got me through this. God didn't give me a spirit of fear. He gave me a spirit of courage and love. So I embarked upon this journey to the opposite corner of the continental US to a city I've never been in, where I know nobody, to meet a sister I didn't know I had, and stay in a house with people I've never met. Courage, love, yeah all that.</p><p>Shana is one of the most incredible people I've ever met. Her husband, Darren, is the best man on the planet. Truly, I know no man better than he is. They have the cutest little 3 year old girl - my neice. Auntie Jeannie she calls me. How cool is that? I mean, seriously.</p><p>I had always known I was adopted. I had always known my parents names. I had always known they were from Washington state. I didn't know they had more kids after me. I mean, it stood to reason they would. Perhaps they stayed together and had more kids. I had no clue. Clearly, they did and thus why I have not just one but two sisters. Shana has been super cool about the whole thing. She's really an awsome person. I got lucky. Sara has had a difficult time of it. That's ok. I've had a lifetime to deal with this. She's had two months. I wish she didn't have to deal with this because I would never want to hurt anyone...especially my sister. However, it's there. I'm there. I exist. I'm not going away. I'm not going to bug her or force some sort of communications between us. However, ignoring the fact that I live and breathe won't make me cease to do so. Hopefully, Sara will get into a space where she will feel more comfortable with this whole situation. Even if she never speaks to me, I hope she eventually comes to be at peace with it.</p><p>So now, the Mother and Father issue. My Father will acknowledge my existance. He will speak with me. He doesn't call but when I called he did talk to me and was decent. My Mother will not speak to me. She won't talk to Shana about me. Shana calls it the elephant in the room. Shana is not pleased with her mother's reaction. I understand both Shana and my Mother's anger.</p><p>Seattle is a very cool city. My sister had a "Come to meet my sister" party. Her friends were all incredible. However, I would expect no less because Shana is so cool. Everybody was there to meet me. A bit forboding but let's not forget the 2 Timothy 1:7 that I referenced earlier. I glass of wine also helps. Many cool people, many good conversations, lots of good food and a life long memory of how great it all was.</p><p>I'm experiencing emotional overload. Too many emotions that I don't know what to do with. Too many emotions that I've never experienced before. Too much of too much.</p><p> </p>Jeanniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13627937031653729700noreply@blogger.com0