You can pick your nose but not your family

OK. Here we go. Last week I went on vacation. Last week, I went to Seattle. Last week, I changed my life forever. Last week, I met my sister for the first time ever. She's 35.

She's the hottie on the right. I'm the chubby chick on the left. Come on, fat girls try harder.

I truly am glad I went. I'm truly glad I made the reservations when I did because I would have punked out like a little wuss. Fortunately, I bought the ticket when I was still feeling fearless and invincible. As the "I took on death and won" feeling began to fade, I started to get really apprehensive and scared. I spoke to my pastor and he referenced 2 Timothy 1:7 "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and a sound mind." Listening to my pastor is what really got me through this. God didn't give me a spirit of fear. He gave me a spirit of courage and love. So I embarked upon this journey to the opposite corner of the continental US to a city I've never been in, where I know nobody, to meet a sister I didn't know I had, and stay in a house with people I've never met. Courage, love, yeah all that.

Shana is one of the most incredible people I've ever met. Her husband, Darren, is the best man on the planet. Truly, I know no man better than he is. They have the cutest little 3 year old girl - my neice. Auntie Jeannie she calls me. How cool is that? I mean, seriously.

I had always known I was adopted. I had always known my parents names. I had always known they were from Washington state. I didn't know they had more kids after me. I mean, it stood to reason they would. Perhaps they stayed together and had more kids. I had no clue. Clearly, they did and thus why I have not just one but two sisters. Shana has been super cool about the whole thing. She's really an awsome person. I got lucky. Sara has had a difficult time of it. That's ok. I've had a lifetime to deal with this. She's had two months. I wish she didn't have to deal with this because I would never want to hurt anyone...especially my sister. However, it's there. I'm there. I exist. I'm not going away. I'm not going to bug her or force some sort of communications between us. However, ignoring the fact that I live and breathe won't make me cease to do so. Hopefully, Sara will get into a space where she will feel more comfortable with this whole situation. Even if she never speaks to me, I hope she eventually comes to be at peace with it.

So now, the Mother and Father issue. My Father will acknowledge my existance. He will speak with me. He doesn't call but when I called he did talk to me and was decent. My Mother will not speak to me. She won't talk to Shana about me. Shana calls it the elephant in the room. Shana is not pleased with her mother's reaction. I understand both Shana and my Mother's anger.

Seattle is a very cool city. My sister had a "Come to meet my sister" party. Her friends were all incredible. However, I would expect no less because Shana is so cool. Everybody was there to meet me. A bit forboding but let's not forget the 2 Timothy 1:7 that I referenced earlier. I glass of wine also helps. Many cool people, many good conversations, lots of good food and a life long memory of how great it all was.

I'm experiencing emotional overload. Too many emotions that I don't know what to do with. Too many emotions that I've never experienced before. Too much of too much.

Mom always said life wasn't fun.

When I was a kid, my Mom told me I'd have a hard life. When I asked her why, she responded "Jeannie, life isn't about fun. You want to have fun. Life is hard, full of disappointments, trials and tribulations." Boy, was that a shock to the system of a 12 year old. I guess she's right though. The last year of my life has by far been the most difficult. I lost the love of my life on New Year's Eve. Really, New Year's Eve. We were out of town on vacation headed up to my family's house in Virginia. On New Year's Eve I was told there was someone else. I've known this person for 7 years, we'd been together almost 3. Now, there's someone else. We bought a house together. Now, there's someone else. We bought a car together. Now, there's someone else. OK, I'm devastated. I couldn't seem to get my life back on track. I prayed everyday that my life would go back to the way it was. Didn't happen.

In August, I was admitted to the hospital with multiple Pulmonary Embolism and Pulmonary Infarction. The doctors weren't sure I would live. They had never seen a case as bad as mine and the person was still living. That's reassuring. Another "opportunity for growth" I guess I was given.

In Matthew 21:22, Jesus says "If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer." I believe. However, I'm growing impatient. Trust me, I don't pray for patience. That is a prayer best not prayed. I'll be old and gray before things change. God has a sense of humor that he really enjoys using. I'm asking, I don't appear to be receiving. I keep getting "Do you want this now or do you want this forever?" popping into my head. I want this forever but what happens until it happens forever? To quote Dr. Evil, "Throw me a freakin' bone here!"

People are hard. Dogs are easy.

When I was in High School up in Virginia, I decided that I wanted to major in psychology so I could understand people. I wanted to understand them and help them. I went to school and studied psychology and business. The business part was because my Mom insisted that I have something useful so that I could eat. It wasn't bad. I graduated and got a job as a manager in a major corporation. Perfect! I can use both degrees and help people enjoy their jobs more and have a sense of accomplishment. You learn all this stuff in school and it's nothing like real life. Theories are based on generalities. All the things I learned, I tried to do but I wasn't successful and I was miserable. I quit, swore off management and went back to school. After several years of school, various jobs, various relationships, and various experiences, I find one constant. People are hard and dogs are easy. I expected people to fall into nice, easy to define categories. They don't. Not even a little bit. Everybody has a little of everything in them. I'm trying to grow as a person and to be able to relate to people better. However, the more I try to understand people the more I think dogs are easy. Eat, sleep, scratch, pet, pee, rinse and repeat.

I've gone back into management. I feel better about it this time though. I feel more prepared. I have learned more about people than I knew at 22. I find that everybody is looking for something. The something just happens to be a little bit different for each person. No matter what, we are all searching. Searching for peace, love, truth and happiness.