Everything in excess! To enjoy the flavor of life, take big bites. Moderation is for monks.

I remember when I was a kid and my mother asked me what I wanted to be when I grow up, I told her I wanted to be a stand up comedian. I think I was about 6 or 7. This was during the golden age of television with all the variety shows and Carol Burnett on all the time. I just thought that would be a great job. My mother promptly squashed my childhood dream by saying, "No, you can't do that. You'll starve to death." How many parents do that? "I want to be a policeman." "No, Jimmy you'll get shot and killed. Pick something else." Seriously, how much does that suck? Well, if my mother were still alive, I think that she might be happy if I was doing stand up. At least, I wouldn't be so fat then. She was always hung up on my weight. I'd tell her it's the stand up comedy diet. She'd be pleased I was finally thin. It's been over 30 years and I still remember that conversation. I still would love to do stand up comedy but I'm way to chicken now. My mother believed that I would literally cease to exist if that were my chosen profession. That I wouldn't be good enough to feed myself. That if I did that, I couldn't even get a job a McDonalds to feed my food habit. Way to squash the dreams of your only child Mom.

The next incident with my mother was when I told her I didn't want to go to college. That was even less popular than the comedian decision. This happened when I was 12. All I remember is there being some sort of atomic explosion in my home and I was told I was going to college, there was no option, no choice, that was that, shut up, do not pass go, do not collect $200.

Now, my options were limited. I could go to college, it just had to be in state. I applied to several and got accepted to several. I pretty much had my pick. SOOOOOOOO, I chose the one that my mother was dead set against. I wanted one that Mom and Dad couldn't just drop in on me. It had to be far enough away for my comfort but close enough I could drive home if I wished. I chose a private university that was STUPID expensive instead of the state school that my mother wanted me to attend. All her friends daughters went to the other school. I should go there. I didn't want to go there. There was no way in hell I was going to be convinced that I would go to school there. So away to central Virginia I went. Off to be a psychology major. Wait, I'm not a psychology major??? Why the hell not? Because I won't be able to eat. Great.

OK. I'm out of school and doing absolutely nothing related to my major. In fact, I'm really happy doing nothing related to my major. Everyday I look at my degree on the wall and smile about it. I appeased my mother by having a business minor, so I could eat. Needless to say I'm doing nothing with any portion of my degree. I'm actually happy about that. At this point in my life, I wouldn't want to be a psychologist nor work in business. I like testing software. I get to break things for money. I get to do puzzles for money. What could really be more fun than that?

However, I'm really finally taking part of my life and really doing with it what I want to. I'm not worrying what people think about my decisions. I really don't care. All I know is I'm trying to do what makes me happy. I want to enjoy life. You only get one go at it. You've got to make it count. Right now, my life is a lot more fun than it's been in a very long time.

There is no safety this side of the grave. - Heinlein

It's true there is no safety this side of the grave. My pastor will even tell you that being in the service of the Lord is one of the most dangerous places that you can put yourself. I can see that.

I've come to realize that I've come down off my "I'm invincible" high that I had when I came out of the hospital. I'm now in the "why does this frying pan keep hitting me in the face" stage of my life. I'm trying to keep the faith. I'm trying to stay positive. I don't seem to be doing such a good job of it.

Work is less than desireable. My boss and I have fundamental differences of opinion on things. I feel like I'll tell him something and he doesn't listen. He comes back and tells me he's uninformed. Unfortunately, I told him about it the day prior. He just doesn't "remember."

My small group is becoming smaller rather than larger. I feel like I'm not doing a good job being a small group leader. I don't know what to do better or different. Instead of a point of brightness in my week, it is one of dissappointment in myself.

My sugarglider got out and was on an unauthorized tour of the house when I was out. Baby ate him.

It's the holiday's and I'm alone - still. I know that I got dumped last New Year's Eve. I just figured things would be different by now.

My family is far away up in Virginia and they're sick. I can't get away from work to go up. I can't even make it to my closest relative which is in South Carolina.

My birth family has, evidently, thought me to be to much to deal with. I suppose that I can understand this. I just wanted to know them. Apparantly, they have no desire to know me.

My health continues to haunt me. My chest aches to the point of being really uncomfortable about every other day. I take a Vicodin and go on.

I'll have to say that 2007 has been the worst year of my life so far. I declare that 2008 will be the year of Jeannie. It's going to be my year. Good things are going to happen for me then. I've just got to wait until it starts.

When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout. - Heinlein

My life has gone from complex to absolutely crazy. I'm really not enjoying it very much right now. Tis the season to be jolly, right? I don't feel very jolly. I don't feel like really being around people. I've been told by my sister and her husband - without any further contact from me - to leave them alone and not contact them. I hadn't contacted them. I wasn't going to contact them. I was going to leave the ball in their court. Now, I'm of the opinion that if they hit the ball back - ever - I'm keeping it. I'm not going to continue to leave myself open for people to hurt. I'm going to compartmenatlize these feelings and deal with them later. Waiting will fill. I'm done. I don't know why I took the chance to fly to Seattle and meet these people. Probably some deep seeded curiosity on my part. It's no longer there and I have no desire to see these people again. Have your west coast life. I'll have my east coast life. Whatever.

"I have been Foolish and Deluded, and I am a Bear of No Brain at All."

Where is it written that you can only get your life in so much order? I feel like I'm being ridiculous by thinking that I can get my life in order and live in happiness. If you look in the Bible, there is much more mention of the joy of the wicked than the joy of the rightous. I don't want to feel like "My soul has been rejected from peace; I have forgotten happiness. " -Lamentations 3:17. However, it seems that when it rains it pours. I'm cruising along and everything is great. Then all of a sudden, everything is not great.

My family loves me very much. It really blows that I'm so far away from all of them (both adoptive and birth). My uncle that really picked it up after my parents died has just been diagnosed with colon cancer. He's having surgery today. Nobody told me about the cancer until yesterday. Nobody told me about the surgery today. I found out about it from my cousin on a general myspace post. I feel like I should go up there but I just got back to Florida from Seattle. I'm really torn. I don't know how I'm going to deal with stuff is something happens to Uncle Doug. My parents are gone. I have no family close. People here are pissed at me for various reasons. I feel like retreating into my bedroom and barrackading it. I feel like not coming out for days. Too many emotions in too short a period of time.

Nobody wanted to tell me Uncle Doug was sick while I was in Seattle. They felt that meeting my sister was too important. Aunt Wilma (Mom's sister) said that my mother would have been proud of me. She knew how scary it would be to go out there alone and meet strangers that I'm connected to by DNA but nothing else. She said I was courageous. I have never thought of myself as such. I always thought I was quite the opposite.

Anyway, I thought the quote for the title was quite appropriate. However, Pooh just is. I just need to be.