Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Mom always said life wasn't fun.

When I was a kid, my Mom told me I'd have a hard life. When I asked her why, she responded "Jeannie, life isn't about fun. You want to have fun. Life is hard, full of disappointments, trials and tribulations." Boy, was that a shock to the system of a 12 year old. I guess she's right though. The last year of my life has by far been the most difficult. I lost the love of my life on New Year's Eve. Really, New Year's Eve. We were out of town on vacation headed up to my family's house in Virginia. On New Year's Eve I was told there was someone else. I've known this person for 7 years, we'd been together almost 3. Now, there's someone else. We bought a house together. Now, there's someone else. We bought a car together. Now, there's someone else. OK, I'm devastated. I couldn't seem to get my life back on track. I prayed everyday that my life would go back to the way it was. Didn't happen.

In August, I was admitted to the hospital with multiple Pulmonary Embolism and Pulmonary Infarction. The doctors weren't sure I would live. They had never seen a case as bad as mine and the person was still living. That's reassuring. Another "opportunity for growth" I guess I was given.

In Matthew 21:22, Jesus says "If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer." I believe. However, I'm growing impatient. Trust me, I don't pray for patience. That is a prayer best not prayed. I'll be old and gray before things change. God has a sense of humor that he really enjoys using. I'm asking, I don't appear to be receiving. I keep getting "Do you want this now or do you want this forever?" popping into my head. I want this forever but what happens until it happens forever? To quote Dr. Evil, "Throw me a freakin' bone here!"

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