Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Mom always said life wasn't fun.

When I was a kid, my Mom told me I'd have a hard life. When I asked her why, she responded "Jeannie, life isn't about fun. You want to have fun. Life is hard, full of disappointments, trials and tribulations." Boy, was that a shock to the system of a 12 year old. I guess she's right though. The last year of my life has by far been the most difficult. I lost the love of my life on New Year's Eve. Really, New Year's Eve. We were out of town on vacation headed up to my family's house in Virginia. On New Year's Eve I was told there was someone else. I've known this person for 7 years, we'd been together almost 3. Now, there's someone else. We bought a house together. Now, there's someone else. We bought a car together. Now, there's someone else. OK, I'm devastated. I couldn't seem to get my life back on track. I prayed everyday that my life would go back to the way it was. Didn't happen.

In August, I was admitted to the hospital with multiple Pulmonary Embolism and Pulmonary Infarction. The doctors weren't sure I would live. They had never seen a case as bad as mine and the person was still living. That's reassuring. Another "opportunity for growth" I guess I was given.

In Matthew 21:22, Jesus says "If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer." I believe. However, I'm growing impatient. Trust me, I don't pray for patience. That is a prayer best not prayed. I'll be old and gray before things change. God has a sense of humor that he really enjoys using. I'm asking, I don't appear to be receiving. I keep getting "Do you want this now or do you want this forever?" popping into my head. I want this forever but what happens until it happens forever? To quote Dr. Evil, "Throw me a freakin' bone here!"

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

People are hard. Dogs are easy.

When I was in High School up in Virginia, I decided that I wanted to major in psychology so I could understand people. I wanted to understand them and help them. I went to school and studied psychology and business. The business part was because my Mom insisted that I have something useful so that I could eat. It wasn't bad. I graduated and got a job as a manager in a major corporation. Perfect! I can use both degrees and help people enjoy their jobs more and have a sense of accomplishment. You learn all this stuff in school and it's nothing like real life. Theories are based on generalities. All the things I learned, I tried to do but I wasn't successful and I was miserable. I quit, swore off management and went back to school. After several years of school, various jobs, various relationships, and various experiences, I find one constant. People are hard and dogs are easy. I expected people to fall into nice, easy to define categories. They don't. Not even a little bit. Everybody has a little of everything in them. I'm trying to grow as a person and to be able to relate to people better. However, the more I try to understand people the more I think dogs are easy. Eat, sleep, scratch, pet, pee, rinse and repeat.

I've gone back into management. I feel better about it this time though. I feel more prepared. I have learned more about people than I knew at 22. I find that everybody is looking for something. The something just happens to be a little bit different for each person. No matter what, we are all searching. Searching for peace, love, truth and happiness.