Thursday, February 14, 2008

"For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."

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Yes this is historically a date for disaster. It doesn't matter if you're single, married, with someone, without someone, divorced, or whatever Valentine's Day churns up emotions in us all. It also churns up stress in us all.

The only thing I can say is I know I'm getting stronger every day. I don't know what God plans for me. I don't know and He's not telling. I just have to be patient and know that they've got to be pretty good. Otherwise, why would He have not just let me die that night in the hospital? I was close, it hurt enough that I wish He had taken me. It just didn't happen. Evidently I have a future and I need to have hope.

I realize that one of the reasons that I really hate this day is because it scares me. If you're alone society sees you as a loser. When I wasn't alone, I couldn't seem to get it right on Valentine's Day. Maybe I tried too hard. I don't know.

I've got to be fearless. I can't let things of this world strike fear into my heart. I want to be a person that people tell stories about. I want to be like Benaiah. He was crazy fearless because he knew God had his back. I want to be like that. I want people to say, "Is she crazy?" Then people will answer, "No, she's fearless. God has her back."

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