Wednesday, November 28, 2007

"I have been Foolish and Deluded, and I am a Bear of No Brain at All."

Where is it written that you can only get your life in so much order? I feel like I'm being ridiculous by thinking that I can get my life in order and live in happiness. If you look in the Bible, there is much more mention of the joy of the wicked than the joy of the rightous. I don't want to feel like "My soul has been rejected from peace; I have forgotten happiness. " -Lamentations 3:17. However, it seems that when it rains it pours. I'm cruising along and everything is great. Then all of a sudden, everything is not great.

My family loves me very much. It really blows that I'm so far away from all of them (both adoptive and birth). My uncle that really picked it up after my parents died has just been diagnosed with colon cancer. He's having surgery today. Nobody told me about the cancer until yesterday. Nobody told me about the surgery today. I found out about it from my cousin on a general myspace post. I feel like I should go up there but I just got back to Florida from Seattle. I'm really torn. I don't know how I'm going to deal with stuff is something happens to Uncle Doug. My parents are gone. I have no family close. People here are pissed at me for various reasons. I feel like retreating into my bedroom and barrackading it. I feel like not coming out for days. Too many emotions in too short a period of time.

Nobody wanted to tell me Uncle Doug was sick while I was in Seattle. They felt that meeting my sister was too important. Aunt Wilma (Mom's sister) said that my mother would have been proud of me. She knew how scary it would be to go out there alone and meet strangers that I'm connected to by DNA but nothing else. She said I was courageous. I have never thought of myself as such. I always thought I was quite the opposite.

Anyway, I thought the quote for the title was quite appropriate. However, Pooh just is. I just need to be.

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