Tuesday, November 27, 2007

You can pick your nose but not your family

OK. Here we go. Last week I went on vacation. Last week, I went to Seattle. Last week, I changed my life forever. Last week, I met my sister for the first time ever. She's 35.

She's the hottie on the right. I'm the chubby chick on the left. Come on, fat girls try harder.

I truly am glad I went. I'm truly glad I made the reservations when I did because I would have punked out like a little wuss. Fortunately, I bought the ticket when I was still feeling fearless and invincible. As the "I took on death and won" feeling began to fade, I started to get really apprehensive and scared. I spoke to my pastor and he referenced 2 Timothy 1:7 "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and a sound mind." Listening to my pastor is what really got me through this. God didn't give me a spirit of fear. He gave me a spirit of courage and love. So I embarked upon this journey to the opposite corner of the continental US to a city I've never been in, where I know nobody, to meet a sister I didn't know I had, and stay in a house with people I've never met. Courage, love, yeah all that.

Shana is one of the most incredible people I've ever met. Her husband, Darren, is the best man on the planet. Truly, I know no man better than he is. They have the cutest little 3 year old girl - my neice. Auntie Jeannie she calls me. How cool is that? I mean, seriously.

I had always known I was adopted. I had always known my parents names. I had always known they were from Washington state. I didn't know they had more kids after me. I mean, it stood to reason they would. Perhaps they stayed together and had more kids. I had no clue. Clearly, they did and thus why I have not just one but two sisters. Shana has been super cool about the whole thing. She's really an awsome person. I got lucky. Sara has had a difficult time of it. That's ok. I've had a lifetime to deal with this. She's had two months. I wish she didn't have to deal with this because I would never want to hurt anyone...especially my sister. However, it's there. I'm there. I exist. I'm not going away. I'm not going to bug her or force some sort of communications between us. However, ignoring the fact that I live and breathe won't make me cease to do so. Hopefully, Sara will get into a space where she will feel more comfortable with this whole situation. Even if she never speaks to me, I hope she eventually comes to be at peace with it.

So now, the Mother and Father issue. My Father will acknowledge my existance. He will speak with me. He doesn't call but when I called he did talk to me and was decent. My Mother will not speak to me. She won't talk to Shana about me. Shana calls it the elephant in the room. Shana is not pleased with her mother's reaction. I understand both Shana and my Mother's anger.

Seattle is a very cool city. My sister had a "Come to meet my sister" party. Her friends were all incredible. However, I would expect no less because Shana is so cool. Everybody was there to meet me. A bit forboding but let's not forget the 2 Timothy 1:7 that I referenced earlier. I glass of wine also helps. Many cool people, many good conversations, lots of good food and a life long memory of how great it all was.

I'm experiencing emotional overload. Too many emotions that I don't know what to do with. Too many emotions that I've never experienced before. Too much of too much.

No comments: